I
Asking Victoria Mary Clarke about her well-being may seem trivial. Our conversation takes place only two weeks after the passing of her spouse, the Pogues’ lead singer and renowned musician Shane MacGowan, at the age of 65. They had known each other for over four decades and were in a long-term relationship. However, it appears that my inquiry is not as foolish as it may seem.
“I have been coping well because I sense his presence,” she states. “Whether I’m sitting in his chair or gazing at his picture, I feel a connection with him. I can share things with him and sense his watchful eye and his strong presence with me.”
Clarke, who is 57 years old, is a journalist and writer. In 2001, she wrote a biography about her partner titled “A Drink With Shane MacGowan,” which allowed him to share his life story in a drunken and unpredictable manner. It was likely the closest anyone could get to experiencing what it was like to spend time with him at a bar, and this was due to the deep connection between them. According to Clarke, their relationship was more than just a romantic one, it was a soulful bond.
MacGowan’s passing prompted an overwhelming display of affection from his fans. His unique blend of punk and Irish folk music captured a raw, gritty perspective on the less glamorous aspects of life, such as alcoholism and poverty which he himself was familiar with. MacGowan’s genuine and personal approach to songwriting resonated with many, as evidenced by the large turnout and lively atmosphere at his funeral. The procession and ceremony were marked with joyous singing and enthusiastic applause.
Clarke expresses surprise at the event, stating that it was unlike any she has experienced before. Typically, similar events have a negative tone, but this one was filled with happiness, energy, and intense affection, overshadowing any potential negativity.
Clarke believes that although the man who would have truly appreciated it was absent, he was still present in spirit. According to her, Shane had a strong penchant for getting high while he was alive, to the point where it was almost an understatement. She believes that reaching new heights and meeting Jesus in the cosmic realm would have been the ultimate high for him, fulfilling his eternal desire for a life buzz. And in the end, he achieved it.
At the beginning of the 1980s, Clarke, who was 16 years old, encountered MacGowan for the first time at a pub in north London. According to the tale, MacGowan insisted that she purchase a pint for Spider Stacey, another member of the Pogues, as it was his birthday. In response, Clarke told him to leave her alone. However, he did go to the bar and the two continued to observe each other. She was watching him and he was watching her.
She began attending concerts by the Pogues. At that time, she recalls MacGowan as the “competent one”, the individual who brought the band together, lifted them up from pub tables, and helped prepare them for performances on stage. What struck her most about these youthful rebels was their lack of hesitation and their unwavering certainty that they were the real deal. Clarke had grown up in West Cork where traditional Irish music was held in high regard. Here, it was being infused with alcohol and set ablaze. “It was unheard of to see cool young men playing this type of music,” she remarks. “It would be like witnessing a group of hoodie-clad guys performing opera.”
After recently moving to London, Clarke landed a job selling vintage clothing in Camden market. It didn’t take long for her to feel at home among the Pogues’ group. They were like a tight-knit family, gathering at the Devonshire Arms pub in Camden every day after work. According to Clarke, the pub was like their living room and the owners, who acted as parental figures, would look after them and pass along any messages.
On Clarke’s 20th birthday in January 1986, someone suggested that MacGowan give her a kiss, which he did. This marked the beginning of Clarke fully embracing a lifestyle that was both exhilarating and terrifying. During the Pogues’ peak years, there was excessive drinking, smoking, shouting, drug use, and fighting, and Clarke eagerly participated in it all. When it became overwhelming, she would try to meditate on their tour bus, but found it challenging compared to a monastery or cave. It may seem unusual to imagine a yoga mat on a Pogues tour bus, but Clarke explains that MacGowan was interested in Zen Buddhism when they first met and they both enjoyed reading works by “philosophical entertainer” Alan Watts and the Tao Te Ching. Clarke also mentions their shared interest in the spiritual world, with MacGowan even claiming to communicate with dragons and alien beings. Together, they were like “space cadets.”
Clarke openly acknowledges her desire to alter MacGowan, in hopes of making him more composed and respectable. He resided in a dingy apartment cluttered with cigarette ash and fast food wrappers, and while she enjoyed their wild rock’n’roll lifestyle, she occasionally yearned for a more conventional existence. However, she soon came to realize that this was unattainable. She explains, “I would plan a formal dinner, but it would turn into a rooftop gathering where someone would inevitably fall off. Or my father would show up and attempt to flirt with Sinéad O’Connor.”
Despite the tumultuous environment, MacGowan was described as a kind and caring individual, contradicting the intimidating image that many had of him. He often showered his partner with gifts and expressions of gratitude for being with someone he once thought was unattainable. Despite struggling with alcohol, he was highly motivated and constantly coming up with new ideas. He was known for frantically jotting down words on any available surface, whether it be a receipt, bank statement, or even napkins at a restaurant.
She confesses that she often could not perceive what he saw. “The repetition of a few chords for six hours sounded dull to me. Plus, some of his lyrics came across as cheesy. Initially, I thought ‘Rainy Night in Soho’ was cheesy, but it all came together when I heard the final version.”
The popular song “A Rainy Night in Soho” is known for having a dual interpretation – while MacGowan seems to be expressing his love for someone, it’s unclear if he’s referring to Clarke or alcohol. However, according to Clarke herself, the song was actually written with Frank Sinatra in mind. MacGowan wanted Sinatra to sing it and it’s possible that the Soho referenced in the lyrics was the one in New York.
Some songs, however, were specifically directed at Clarke. “And not always in a complimentary manner,” she chuckles. “He composed a tune called That Woman’s Got Me Drinking! That was quite harsh. He certainly had a knack for using songs as revenge.”
He could utilize them for a highly romantic gesture as well. The song “Victoria” may allude to the fling that Clarke had with Van Morrison during one of their breaks (“Victoria, left me in opium euphoria/With a fat monk singing Gloria”), but it ultimately concludes on a romantic tone: “Someday I’ll set aside my pipe and embark on a journey … to find my girl with emerald eyes.” Clarke mentions that there are other songs written about her by him, but have not been recorded: “I imagine at some point we will publish a book of his unreleased material as there is quite a substantial amount.”
When Clarke and MacGowan initially became a couple, they never had disagreements. However, as his drug use became more frequent, she felt compelled to try to control him. He would engage in reckless behavior, such as consuming 100 tabs of acid in a day and jumping out of a moving taxi, or covering himself in blue paint. He also had a tendency to set things on fire, including hotel rooms they were staying in while under the influence of acid. Their relationship was constantly on the brink of actual destruction.
At certain points, she caught MacGowan in bed with groupies. She would become extremely angry and hit him before storming out, declaring she would never return. However, once she had her own place, she couldn’t resist coming back to him. He seemed to understand this pattern.
Some of the wild stories she remembers with a smile now, such as the time in Los Angeles when MacGowan had taken heroin, crack and crystal meth – then proceeded to jump on someone’s exercise bike and start pedalling like crazy. “I thought: ‘He’s going to have a heart attack on an exercise bike!’” Which, to be fair, is not how anyone would have expected MacGowan to die.
As the 1990s came to a close, MacGowan’s songwriting was overshadowed by his addictions, causing problems in their living situation. Clarke was both fascinated by their bohemian lifestyle in a run-down London council estate and shocked that it had come to this. Eventually, someone overdosed and died in their living room. Clarke nonchalantly mentions that this was not an isolated incident and that there were many deaths during that time. It seemed almost inevitable, with the exception of MacGowan who everyone believed would outlive them all.
During this period, Clarke gave in to her personal battles with substance abuse and alcohol. Unlike MacGowan, she was aware that she was using these as a way to cope with what she perceived as her own life’s shortcomings. “He had the ability to write, sing, and perform, and his work was immediately well-received,” she explains. “He was always successful, while I was the complete opposite. I was writing, drawing, and designing, but no one showed interest. I would write a book and hope that this time it would be a hit, but each time it would be met with rejection letters.”
MacGowan refused to accept it. “He consistently encouraged me to have faith in my abilities, that I possessed true talent and genius, and it made a difference,” she explains. “I thought, if someone as renowned as him appreciated my work, what could a publisher possibly understand?”
During the early 2000s, MacGowan’s struggles with heroin addiction and Clarke’s battle with depression led them both to seek treatment at the Priory. Clarke reveals, “I was in a very dark place and felt suicidal. It was challenging being in the same facility as Shane because I was constantly worried about being judged and criticized, and he seemed to welcome it.”
They separated, and this time Clarke believed they would never reconcile. It was a time of great distress for her as she evaluated her life: single, self-described as overweight, and unsuccessful. In a final effort to improve her situation, she turned to contacting angels in hopes of receiving guidance for making better choices. According to her, these divine beings appeared to her not as winged individuals, but as particles of light or specific scents. They would communicate with her, challenge her, and provide insight on how to navigate through life. In 2007, she released Angel in Disguise?, a candid and at times humorous self-help memoir that was truly one of a kind (including a conversation with angels about her desire to smoke crack with Pete Doherty). While it may seem silly, it is also incredibly genuine and endearing, much like Clarke herself.
Currently, Clarke has a strong interest in angels. She sells angel silk scarves and offers workshops for people who want to establish a connection with the spiritual realm. When asked if she believes she will one day communicate with Shane, she confidently responds that she already does. According to her, Shane has been assisting her, even in practical matters, throughout the day.
I continued, “I had to wrap a lot of scarves and communicate with customers, as well as take care of all the administrative tasks that I hadn’t been able to do since the funeral. So I told him, ‘I’m feeling really stressed about this – I need your assistance. I want you to make it go smoothly.’ And surprisingly, it did! I truly believe that people can guide us from beyond.”
Whether or not angels made it happen, Clarke and MacGowan simply weren’t destined to be apart for ever. They rekindled their relationship after the book was published, and in 2018 they were married at a ceremony in Copenhagen. Was he on time for it, I wonder.
“Yes, definitely. By that point, he had undergone a significant change. He became more relaxed and started following my requests. He quit smoking and stopped using heroin. The only disagreement we had after the wedding was about him doing his physical therapy. [MacGowan had suffered a fractured pelvis from a fall in 2015.] He became much more laid-back and our bond grew stronger.”
She finds it amusing because she had put so much effort into trying to change MacGowan, but in retrospect, she realizes that he was the one who ultimately changed her for the better. When they first met, she openly admits that she was self-absorbed, judgmental, and fixated on famous people. As the band gained more success, she yearned to attend glamorous parties with celebrities like Elton John and Bono, but MacGowan preferred to sit in a bar and have conversations with anyone who stumbled in with a story to share. “And throughout the years, just from being around him, I gradually changed. I began to appreciate the connection with people and the importance of that.”
Did the outpouring of love after his passing catch her off guard?
She expressed her surprise, saying that she believed he would have been completely shocked. This is because they led a peaceful life, rarely leaving their home and spending most of their time watching television.
After MacGowan passed away, there has been a growing buzz about making Fairytale of New York the top Christmas song of this year. The track is being released on vinyl and Clarke has shown support for the campaign, even though MacGowan has expressed indifference towards the song at times. Clarke believes MacGowan may have been tired of the constant attention on just one of his songs, as he has written many others.
With its tale of a couple airing their grievances on Christmas Eve, before realising that their bumpy romance was always a shared journey, it is hard to hear it as anything other than incredibly prophetic about their own relationship. Would MacGowan appreciate a chart-topper now? “I think he probably would.”
We have been conversing for more than an hour and Clarke continues to enthusiastically share anecdotes about MacGowan. Their love is unquestionable, but I believe I should allow her to move on. Before doing so, I inquire if there is anything else she would like to share.
One important point she mentions is that we will all experience loss at some point. However, she remains optimistic that people can learn from her experience and understand that it is possible to stay connected with loved ones even after they have passed away. She acknowledges that she will still feel the pain of losing Shane, but she believes that their connection will always be present.
To access Angel classes, artwork, and additional offerings, please visit victoriamaryclarkeangels.com.
Source: theguardian.com
