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Within a span of three minutes after taking a seat across from Nadine Shah, the artist is attempting to persuade me, or anyone who may come across this, to purchase her home on the coast of Kent that she still co-owns with her former spouse. In a playful manner, she states, “Since no one seems interested, I might as well use this article as a way to advertise how incredible Ramsgate is.”
Shah is a singular force in British rock, as funny and charismatic in person as she is on stage and in song. The Tyneside songwriter’s atmospheric, tragicomedic post-punk songs tackle tough themes with an acid tongue, and find absurdity in bleakness: her 2017 Mercury prize-nominated album Holiday Destination had songs about the Syrian refugee crisis and Islamophobia. The follow-up, Kitchen Sink, sent up the sexism she has experienced as a woman in her 30s, and depicted men selecting mistresses as if they were livestock.
Following her first album, Love Your Dum and Mad in 2013, which was inspired by the loss of two ex-boyfriends, Shah has been a vocal supporter of Calm, a mental health charity. She has also been vocal about issues such as the gender pay gap in the music industry, the inequity of the streaming economy for musicians, and the discrimination she has faced due to her Muslim last name (her father is of Pakistani descent). Currently, while sipping tea at a bar in London, she humbly acknowledges, “I understand that some people may have seen me as self-righteous before, thinking ‘She’s always talking about saving refugees, and now she wants to fix streaming. Here she goes again.'”
However, Shah is highly affable; genuine and a defender of her convictions, including the declining music journalism industry. While many artists are wary of critics, during the pandemic she initiated an Instagram Live show called Payback, where she conversed with music journalists about their profession. “We’re losing our top writers because they’re not being compensated,” she explains.
The sale of the house signifies the conclusion of a chaotic phase in her life. In 2018, Shah returned to her hometown of Whitburn, South Tyneside from London after her mother Heather was diagnosed with late-stage lung cancer. She explains, “I put everything on hold.”
Heather was expected to have a short lifespan, but the pandemic accelerated her decline, according to Shah. Due to her high risk status, she was unable to leave her home, which caused her mental and physical health to worsen. During this difficult time, Shah began writing Kitchen Sink while caring for her mother. She describes it as a terrible experience, as she watched her loved one deteriorate and also struggled with substance abuse.
The album “Kitchen Sink” was released in June 2020, but just two months later, the singer’s mother passed away. Due to limited work opportunities caused by lockdowns, the singer’s substance use took a turn for the worse. She refuses to discuss the specifics of her actions or the drugs she was using, as she believes it can be glamorized. Shortly after, she relocated to Ramsgate to live with her boyfriend, who was also an old friend and had previously directed one of her music videos. They got married in the summer of 2021, during which time her addiction and mental health struggles were escalating.
She stated that she was going at a speed of 110 miles per hour and trying to hide the chaos. On the day of the wedding, she was extremely sick and barely appears in any of the photos. The situation continued after the wedding.
Shah eventually began experiencing hallucinations. He was aware that he was losing control of his thoughts and it was a frightening experience. He isolated himself and would go weeks without leaving his house, often using excessive amounts of substances.
Her acquaintances have informed her that it felt as though they were witnessing a train speeding towards a potential derailment. “As my husband and I drifted further apart, it became increasingly challenging for him to be in the presence of someone who was so ill,” Shah explains. “Despite the support of my closest friends and family, there seemed to be no solution. Ultimately, in 2022, I made the decision to end my own life.”
In April of the same year, Shah posted a tweet that caused concern among her followers. Shah recalls, “I was extremely ill and feared losing my sanity. I doubted if I would ever fully recover mentally.”
The cat sitter quickly came to Shah’s house. Afterward, the musician decided to enter a rehabilitation program. It ended up being a life-changing decision. Initially, she was scared, but once she arrived, she could finally be herself. It was a huge relief.
She is currently working on a memoir detailing her experience in rehabilitation. This is important to her because there are not many narratives about this topic from the perspective of women. She admits to feeling embarrassed about seeking help for her addiction, as there is a certain stigma attached to being a female addict. In contrast, male musicians may be glorified for their substance abuse. This societal stigma makes it difficult for women to seek and receive help for their addictions. The speaker brings up Amy Winehouse, whom she knew briefly, and notes the severe criticism and ridicule she faced for her struggles with addiction. The speaker acknowledges that Winehouse was battling illness rather than simply indulging in reckless behavior.
Shah reflects on her time in rehabilitation, calling it “wonderful.” She recalls, “I’ve never experienced so much laughter in my life as I did during my stay there.” One memorable event was the sports day, where she dominated in every race. She notes, “The other individuals in the facility were so sick that simply walking was a struggle, let alone running.”
It was refreshing to disconnect from social media. She explained, “You’re not constantly checking for your own name.” We entertained ourselves with indoor games and I even picked up some Zumba skills. I also acquired the skill of lock picking, as there are many skilled criminals in that environment.
However, several individuals she became friends with during her time in rehab have passed away. She honors them in her song, “Twenty Things,” and reflects, “I didn’t anticipate falling for each and every one of them.”
After completing her time in rehab, she felt stronger. She admits, “In the past, I wouldn’t have been able to do an interview or perform without drinking.” She also didn’t realize how challenging it was for her to navigate the entertainment industry as an awkward and shy individual. While her marriage has ended, she and her ex are still on good terms. She explains, “I don’t let little things bother me. I think that’s something that comes with almost dying. The things that used to upset me don’t affect me anymore. I have no problem with people criticizing me online.”
After leaving, her first priority was to return to her job. Prior to September 2022, she had never performed on stage. However, she joined a “joyfully rebellious” production of A Midsummer Night’s Dream at Shakespeare North Playhouse, playing the role of Titania. She thoroughly enjoyed the playful nature of her character and received a nomination at the What’sOnStage awards.
She completed her fifth album, which was written with a lively and playful approach. Filthy Underneath captures Shah’s journey through a downward spiral and recovery, set to a flawless beat. While it expands on the sonic landscape of Kitchen Sink, some songs feature a more unrestrained rhythm, reminiscent of the Burundi beat popularized by 80s new wave band Bow Wow Wow, and the eerie exotic sound of Siouxsie Sioux’s side project, the Creatures. Other tracks are infused with 70s influences, such as the Turkish psychedelic style of protest singer Selda Bağcan and the seductive cosmic disco of Indian songstress Asha Puthli.
The songs are daring and delve into the conflicting thoughts of Shah’s mind as she faces her negative self and pride, while also mourning the end of her marriage. If this sounds like something you’d hear in a therapy session, the first released song, “Topless Mother,” sarcastically pokes fun at the uncomfortable counseling sessions she went through during her recovery. With its frenzied wordplay (including phrases like “Sharia, Diana, samosa”), it almost feels like a childish insult as she switches between her own perspective and that of her therapist.
Shah fully utilizes her vocal range, incorporating weightless falsetto and a familiar trill from qawwali, an Arabic-South Asian devotional music style, on the serpentine track “Food for Fuel.” She admits to previously downplaying her singing abilities, opting for a lower register and avoiding too many vocal acrobatics in order to be perceived as more serious. However, she acknowledges that she actually possesses a powerful voice.
It is skillfully utilized in her performance on Greatest Dancer, a bold and edgy goth song inspired by the time she consumed some of her mother’s prescribed medication while watching an episode of Strictly Come Dancing. The operatic synthpop ballad Keeping Score, which also appears in her current opening acts for Depeche Mode in large venues, also shows potential. It revisits a recurring theme in her music, toxic relationships, but the content remains emotionally charged. “I am still trying to figure out how to discuss that one,” she admits. “It delves into the issue of male violence against women, whether it be verbal or physical.”
At a certain time, she had doubts about being able to pursue this as a career again. However, her mother’s love for music, particularly Scott Walker, continues to provide her with comfort and closeness. In the emotional song “See My Girl,” she expresses, “I am holding the note for her.” She explains, “I couldn’t let go of music because it brings me back to my mother.” The connection to her mother remains strong.
One particular highlight is the powerful spoken-word piece by Sad Lads Anonymous, which portrays the lowest point of one’s life. The artist explains, “I am recounting a time at an awards show where my band had left and I was left alone in a bathroom stall, confessing my deepest secrets to a work experience kid. Looking back, I can now find humor in a lot of it, but at the time, it was incredibly humiliating.” While creating Filthy Underneath, Shah questioned, “Is this too personal? Am I revealing too much? But as an artist, I lost my sense of mystery a long time ago. I can’t get that back, so I might as well create brutally honest work.”
And there is none more brutally honest than the closing track, the sinister yet wry French Exit, about “sliding off the dancefloor” of life. At first she was apprehensive about showing a song about suicide to Ben Hillier, with whom she makes all her music. But another image springs to mind when she thinks about French Exit now. “We actually used the instrumental of it in A Midsummer Night’s Dream. I have a sexual dance with a donkey to that song.”
Shah hopes to play more live shows, especially abroad; her gigs late last year revealed an artist who seems more liberated, looser and leaning into her new music’s theatricality. Before she gets into the swing of it, she’s excited to head out to LA for the first time, where she intends to visit her friend Mark Lanegan’s grave in the Hollywood Forever Cemetery.
Currently, Shah is not using any substances, but she acknowledges that with addiction, one can never completely rule it out. However, she is still actively involved in using the secondhand clothing website Vinted. In fact, she has even convinced her manager to use it as well. She jokingly refers to herself as an “enabler.”
She has utilized the application to discover garments like the black PVC catsuit featured on Filthy Underneath’s cover and the Suspiria-inspired red dress by punk designer Pam Hogg in the Topless Mother video, where she tears apart an entire department’s worth of feather pillows. “I am truly enjoying this experience,” she says about her challenging and inventive approach to bedding destruction. “I am unsure of how long this phase will continue, so I might as well make the most of it and have some fun.”
Filthy Underneath is released on 23 February on EMI North.
In the United Kingdom and Ireland, individuals can reach out to Samaritans by calling 116 123 for free, or by sending an email to [email protected] or [email protected]. In the United States, the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline can be contacted by calling or texting 988, chatting on 988lifeline.org, or texting HOME to 741741 to speak with a crisis counselor. In Australia, the crisis support service Lifeline can be reached at 13 11 14. Other helplines around the world can be found at befrienders.org.
Source: theguardian.com
